When Problematic People Die

The death of Aaron Hernandez stirred something in me...not sadness, regret, or empathy, more like shifted my focus.

See the rule of thumb is usually when someone dies, no matter how nasty, disgusting, hurtful, or dangerous their lives were prior to death, as soon as their last breath leaves the body, everyone suddenly gets amnesia to their nefarious deeds, and wants to give them automatic sainthood.

In fact, if you tell the truth about their pre mortem deeds, you are labeled as soulless, Satan, heartless, disrespectful; well, you get the point.

So I have found the only thing that gives me comfort, keeps me from cussing folks out, and allows me to be somewhat "respectful" of the dead, is to be focus on the living.

Despite their pre mortem behaviors, these individuals have family and friends, who loved them despite their behaviors. These individuals are hurting; they deserve empathy; they are the victims; they deserve peace; they deserve grace.

I recently had an experience; where I had to place personal pain, disappointment, anger, and years of trauma aside to be there for someone I loved. It was difficult. There were times when I did not think that I could do it: be respectful, be the bigger person, provide comfort.

But in that moment, I realized that my love for the living left to mourn the troubled soul, who had passed on, outweighed my feels of trauma, anguish, and hatred for the deceased.

I am certainly not here to police anyone's feelings, but this worked for me, so I wanted to share.

The hurt and pain are still there; if I am being honest, will probably never go away, but at least I was able to "step up" for someone when it truly mattered, and I sleep better at night as a result.

So in this season of Aaron Hernandez's death, I mourn not for him, but for the family and friends who loved him, and especially to who his innocent four year old daughter, who  much like myself now has to navigate this thing called life, without her father. I empathize with her pain, pray for God's blessings and favor upon her life, and hope that there are enough people who can shelter her from the storms that will come as a result of the missing parental figure and her insurmountable grief over his loss.


Until next time.....