Tiny and LaLa: Don't Allow Anyone to Waste Your Time

Black Hollywood has been rocked in recent weeks with the splits between Tiny and T.I. and Carmelo and LaLa Anthony. They were two of the black Hollywood couples who you knew would weather any storm and/or beat the odds, so despite the merry-go-round that is Hollywood relationships, you still held out hope that they would persevere.

I don't pretend to know the cause for the demise of either relationship, but what I do know that both of these women gave these men some of the best years of their life, and at the end of the day, other than their precious children, that's about all they have. There is nothing worse than spending a great chunk of your life with someone, and all you have are the years.

Sure, neither woman is dead broke or is suffering materialistically, but at 37 (LaLa) and 41 (Tiny) respectively, being single again at those ages is not a picnic. How do I know? Because Tiny and I are the same age, and it is like the Hunger Games dating at this age. In fact, at this age, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning or winning the lottery, than you do finding a mate. You think that I am lying? Walk a mile in my shoes.

But the saddest thing in these tales, is that despite these women's enormous talent and beauty, they were married to some major fuckboys, who occupied 10 plus years of their life. I have it on good authority, that both men were unfaithful for most of that time. Tiny even caught a gun charge for T.I., and he is quoted as saying that they are better off as friends and that marriage is a "distraction." (Let me tell you something, if I catch a criminal charge for your monkey tail, and you refer to your relationship to me as a distraction, your mother will bury you, and I will be wearing prison orange, and will gladly serve every bit of my time!). Carmelo Anthony has another woman pregnant, so not only does LaLa know that he cheated, she knows that he cheated "raw", and no matter the future of their relationship, this woman will be a third party for many years to come.

Life is short, and we only get one! Only God changes people!  Whether it is your mate, a job, or whatever does not provide you with the respect, happiness, and/or fulfillment that you desire, get out. Don't let anyone or anything occupy or consume all of your good years. You are talking to a guy who left a nine year relationship at the age of 32 because I didn't want to spend the bulk of my life with someone who didn't value me or our relationship. Although I am still single nine years later, I have peace, and peace is more beneficial than trying to "save face" or remain in a relationship with someone who is not equally as invested as you are.

Until next time....

When Problematic People Die

The death of Aaron Hernandez stirred something in me...not sadness, regret, or empathy, more like shifted my focus.

See the rule of thumb is usually when someone dies, no matter how nasty, disgusting, hurtful, or dangerous their lives were prior to death, as soon as their last breath leaves the body, everyone suddenly gets amnesia to their nefarious deeds, and wants to give them automatic sainthood.

In fact, if you tell the truth about their pre mortem deeds, you are labeled as soulless, Satan, heartless, disrespectful; well, you get the point.

So I have found the only thing that gives me comfort, keeps me from cussing folks out, and allows me to be somewhat "respectful" of the dead, is to be focus on the living.

Despite their pre mortem behaviors, these individuals have family and friends, who loved them despite their behaviors. These individuals are hurting; they deserve empathy; they are the victims; they deserve peace; they deserve grace.

I recently had an experience; where I had to place personal pain, disappointment, anger, and years of trauma aside to be there for someone I loved. It was difficult. There were times when I did not think that I could do it: be respectful, be the bigger person, provide comfort.

But in that moment, I realized that my love for the living left to mourn the troubled soul, who had passed on, outweighed my feels of trauma, anguish, and hatred for the deceased.

I am certainly not here to police anyone's feelings, but this worked for me, so I wanted to share.

The hurt and pain are still there; if I am being honest, will probably never go away, but at least I was able to "step up" for someone when it truly mattered, and I sleep better at night as a result.

So in this season of Aaron Hernandez's death, I mourn not for him, but for the family and friends who loved him, and especially to who his innocent four year old daughter, who  much like myself now has to navigate this thing called life, without her father. I empathize with her pain, pray for God's blessings and favor upon her life, and hope that there are enough people who can shelter her from the storms that will come as a result of the missing parental figure and her insurmountable grief over his loss.


Until next time.....