I was a chronic bed wetter. I didn't have any physical or emotional ailments. I just simply believed there was no good reason to break good sleep when there was a perfectly comfortable bed to use.
At the time, I was the only male living in my Grandmother's home, so I had a room to myself. However, this changed during weekends and holidays when extended family and friends came to visit. My Grandmother's house was small, with three bedrooms, and sometimes there were 3 and 4 people to a bed.
During this particular time, it was just my molester and me in my bedroom. My bed was pushed up against a wall, so the person on the back side, had to crawl across the other person to get out of bed, since the foot of the bed had rails that a child could easily get hurt from trying to exit the bed from that side.
On this particular August night, my molester nudged me awake, so that I could get up to use the bedroom. In a family as large as mine, if you were a bed wetter, it was public information, so the person tasked with sleeping with you, did not get a surprise.
After I returned from the bathroom, my molester was standing in front of my bed. I thought he was doing that, so that I would not have to crawl over him, but what happened next changed the course of my life forever.
I will spare you the details, but in those moments, I transitioned from an innocent six year old boy, who played with Star Wars action figures, attended church every Sunday, and several times during the week, to a victim of molestation. I didn't even know what had happened to me. I had no knowledge of sex. My television viewing was restricted to cartoons and the news. I lived with my Grandmother who was widowed, in her mid 60's and didn't date, so any man who I had contact with was a relative or close friend of one of my extended relatives. But in those moments, I knew that whatever it was, it was not right.
I thought about telling my Grandmother, my mother or some other adult, but how do you articulate something like that, when you not even sure of what happened? You have no knowledge of sex and sexual activity, the adult is respectable, known to your family, and you are a child with a wild imagination, and a known bed wetter.
Take into account, as this time in my life, my mother had a new baby, her marriage was on its last leg, and I am going back and forth between her and my Grandmother.
I told two years later. Something about that particular time made me feel "safe" enough to tell. Keep in mind I lived in a small town. A "scandal" like this would have rocked the core of so many lives. So the adults in my life collectively decided it was best to not pursue prosecution and that we should keep this in the family. My molester wasn't famous, wasn't even a good person, but at this point, he had more protection than me.
It was never a topic of conversation. There was no therapy.No prosecution. No civil charges. I was told to let it go, not so much in words, but through actions or lack thereof.
Today, my molester is a reformed man, has given his life to Jesus, works dutifully in the church, nowhere near the monster/devil he was in my bedroom that fateful August night over 30 years ago.
Has he truly been redeemed? Maybe, I will leave that for him and God to work out.
I didn't write this for your pity. I don't need it, because it comes over 30 years too late. I wrote this to help you understand what victims of sexual crime feel. I have attempted suicide twice, had a host of sexual issues throughout my life, all because my first sexual experience was not consensual, and I was forced to live with the after effects without any professional, medical, or legal assistance.
Some would say my disdain for Bill Cosby and those like him, is what psychologists refer to as projection. This is where you try to "project" your thoughts, feelings, and action onto others, to get them to feel what you are, rather than dealing with your own issues. You may be right, and I can take any judgment that you would like to throw my way . Some of you are probably rolling your eyes right now, for me sharing this very personal information. I can take that too! After all, you can't possibly make me feel anymore guilty, ashamed or any other emotion than I have over the past 30 years, knowing that I allowed a man to go free, to possibly do this to others.
So before you judge that promiscuous girl, or your wife or girlfriend for being "frigid" and not "putting out" enough, or that boy who is effeminate, or sexually awkward, or that person who decides suicide is the best option, or that individual who abuses drugs, check into their histories. I am pretty sure that they may have a story similar to mine as sexual abuse, and/or violence, manifests itself in a variety of ways. Before you ask why Bill Cosby's victims chose to stay silent for so long. My molester wasn't famous, in fact many, are regular average Joes without a pot to piss in or window to throw it out of, yet, there is a rush to protect them over their victims. If you learned nothing else from what I have written today, every victim deserves a voice, your empathy, your belief. There is no "perfect" victim and having that mindset, is why this rape culture will always be an issue in our society.
Until next time....
