Dr. Dre: Your Apology Is Ill-Timed, Insincere, and 20 Years Too Late

One thing that I can't stand is apolo-lying. (Yes, I created my own word, and I can do that!). Apolo-lying, is when you apologize not because you mean it, but because the consequences for your actions are few greater than you thought that they would be, or when you are a celebrity, and you are receiving too much blow back from your corporate sponsors or your fan base, and you are worried about damaging your brand, or when you are a new Christian and you want to prove to people that you have actually changed and are trying to walk the straight and narrow with Jesus, after you left plenty of people, mistakes, and carnage in your wake (rolls eyes)!

These are some scenarios that come to mind when I hear about Dr. Dre's apology for his domestic violence incidents with women. Let's take two cases in particular, those of his brutal beating of music journalist,  Dee Barnes in 1991, and his child's mother, singing sensation, Miche'le'.

 In1990, Dee Barnes, who at the time was a music journalist, had completed an interview with Ice Cube from the group NWA, who by this point had disbanded amid an epic feud and were working on solo projects, In the interview, Ice Cube disparaged the other group members. The next year, Dr. Dre saw Dee Barnes at an album release party, and sought retribution. During this confrontation, Dr. Dre repeatedly through the right side of her body into a stairway, while slamming her head into the wall. He tried and failed to throw her down the stairway. She escaped into the women's restroom, where he followed her in, and continued the assault.He grabbed her by her hair and continued to punch her in the back of her head. Some 20 years later, she still has migraines, and is unable to find work in the entertainment field due to being blacklisted by him (She had secured a part in the 1990's film Set It Off, but because Dr. Dre was in it, he got the director F. Gary Gray, the same guy who is the director of Straight Out of Compton, to rescind the offer).

Here is Dr. Dre's response when pressed about it, right after the attack:  “People talk all this shit, but you know, somebody fuck with me, I’m gonna fuck with them. I just did it, you know. Ain’t nothing you can do now by talking about it. Besides, it ain’t no big thing – I just threw her through a door.”


Dee Barnes wasn't his only victim. There was his child's mother Miche'le'.She has gone on record to state that not only did Dr. Dre abuse her, but on occasion has broken her nose and her ribs.

So miss me with the ill-timed apology. He certainly hasn't had any remorse all these years, and one would infer that there wouldn't be any now, if there weren't a new album and a hit movie at stake. Dr. Dre has finally amassed a fortune and the title of being a billionaire, and he is not about to place any of that in jeopardy by pissing of his fan base, which is largely women. He has to come off, as the new and improved version of himself.

So I challenge Dr. Dre, if you are sincere about your apology, how about you pay Dee Barnes' medical bills that she has amassed because of your 1991 brutal attack! If you are sincere, why don't you use your industry connections to help her secure employment doing what she loves, since you blacklisted her all of those years ago! If you are sincere, why don't you donate some of your money to batter women's shelters. Finally, if you are sincere, do another movie, make it a biopic even, where you tell the whole story of your dirty dealings, not just the whitewashed Hollywood version.

Until you can do some or all of these things, nobody, certainly not your victims, is interested in your apolo-lying!


Until next time....

Sometimes You Have to Cry Stuff Out

Most of my blogs are about racial and social justice, and women's empowerment, but today it's about me. Why? Because it is my damn blog...if you want to choose the topics, create your own!

I am a natural stuffer, which in the psychology world means an individual who doesn't deal with issues head on, but stuffs them away. What happens is over time, you compartmentalize too much stuff, and don't deal with too much, and the next thing you know, you explode, kind of like that pot that you overfill and then it ends up spewing out, all over everything.

Years of residual grief, not feeling appreciated, going through some career stuff, and relationships ending, got the better of me. I had a good old ugly cry, and you know what? I feel refreshed! Crying is not weak, unmanly, or any of those societal things that you are taught. It is cleansing; it is life affirming, and it really puts your emotions in perspective. Which really shows progress and growth in my life, because in my teens and 20's, my go to would have been to attempt suicide, lash out, or have meaningless sex, so yay, for progress!

The epiphany that came to me, was knowing my worth! I grew up feeling neglected, cast aside, and unlovable, as a result, I allowed people into my life who took advantage of that need to be loved, appreciated, and affirmed. I have taken jobs, held on to jobs, friendships, relationships, out of the sheer need for affirmation.

This stops now! And if anyone reading this is going through something similar, say to yourself, "This stops now!"

Yes, there will be setbacks! Yes, you will relapse! But the key through it all, is knowing your worth, and learning the power of "No." One simple word, two letters, but it will change your life. It will keep you from being taken advantage of, it will keep you from doing those things that you really don't want to do, and it will save you a lifetime of bitterness when people take more from your life than they give.

Learn it, embrace, and overall, be good to you. I know that I will!

Until next time......

White Liberals and House Negroes: Please Stop Telling Black People What To Do

Black Lives Movement, is not a movement that is going anywhere! As long as our children are being gunned down in the streets, it is here to stay. Any political candidate, who wants a shot at the White House, regardless of party affiliation, is going to have to not only support, but totally embrace this movement and the key concerns that arise from it!

On yesterday, during the weekend of the one year anniversary of Mike Brown's murder, political hopeful, Bernie Sanders' campaign gathered in Seattle for a routine campaign speech. Thousands were gathered. However, his speech and the day's activities were interrupted by Black Lives Matter activists.

Bernie supporters booed, threatened the activists, even took to social media, creating fake accounts, to harass and even threatened to "pull" their support from the movement.

House negroes, (You know those black people who don't know they are black because they have a few white friends, a few letters behind their names, because of the neighborhood they live in, etc)  began attacking the activists as well.

And I say to both groups, have a collective row of seats!

Bernie is a political candidate, meaning he has to show and prove. I don't care if he did march with Dr. King 50 years ago...as the old Janet Jackson song states, "What has he done for us lately?" Since January 1st of this year, over 600 bodies have fallen in police related shootings. Six hundred families are mourning the loss of their loved ones, without any justice. Imagine how their lives have been "interrupted", so miss me with your fake concern over an interrupted campaign speech.

To my white friends, you are not an ally, if you use your privilege to try to make black people behave, or only speak when it is convenient for you. You are not an ally, if you are steadily reminding black people what you have done for them, years ago. You are not an ally, if you are steadily threatening black people regarding pulling your support when your feelings get hurt. Again, hundreds of years of oppression, genocide, and violence towards blacks, are greater than your temporary hurt feelings.

We also don't need a "white savior." Recognize your privilege, call out your racist relatives and friends, march with us, but this is a new day, and we can lead ourselves. We don't need saving! Also, you are actually doing Sen. Sanders more harm than good, because if his supporters act like this, people are less likely to support the actual candidate.

And to you house Negroes, who think that racism just magically died when Barack took office, or when Dr. King was assassinated, I pray that when you have your "come to Jesus" moment. You know that moment  that all black folks have,  when they have an experience to remind them that they are still black, that you are able to not only maintain your dignity, but your life as well. Because while you are concerned with being "respectable", accumulating more material things, and admonishing your fellow brothers and sisters, who you feel are beneath you, remember you get the opportunities that you had today, because your forefathers did the work and sacrificed, so it would be in your best interest to do the same for future generations.


Until next time....

Women: Let Jennifer Garner's Pain Be A Cautionary Tale For You

I was in the grocery store today, waiting to checkout with my groceries. Plastered across the various tabloids, and People Magazine, were stories of the recent breakup between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner.

Let me just say, it is always sad to see any marriage breakup, and especially sad, when there are children involved. Their youngest is just three years old.

As with most breakups, details are emerging, and the latest is that the cause may be Ben's inappropriate relationship with the 28 year old nanny.

As I read the story, I saw a story that is not just a Hollywood saga, but one that has played out in regular life on a consistent basis, and as a male who loves, respects, and appreciates women, I had to share this with all of you.

Never, ever, invite another woman into your house to take care of your children! Do I need to repeat this? I know motherhood, having a career, being a wife, and doing countless other things that women do to keep a household running, can be daunting and overwhelming, but never allow another woman into your home.

I don't care if you have J-Lo's body, and are sexing your husband, every day, or several times a day, or how good you think your "hot box" is, no "hot box" is as good as "new" hot box. What I am saying is, that when we as men are getting older, want to feel young again, grow tired and bored, we will seek out a new conquests, so don't invite that kind of drama to your home.

Not I am not saying that women are responsible for their men cheating. But don't provide the tools by bringing in a hot, younger version of yourself.

People tell me I am mistrustful, but I also believe in being proactive and cautious.

I also subscribe to the Chris Rock school of thought when it comes to fidelity. Once during a standup routine, Chris Rock stated and I quote, "A man is only as faithful as his options." If he has options, don't expect fidelity. If he doesn't have them, well, you have yourself a faithful man.

Please accept this, not as women or men bashing...this is simply advice based upon observations and life experience.

Until next time....

Why There is No Forgiveness for Michael Brown's Killer

This week marks the one year anniversary of Michael Brown's murder. It was a murder! His killer walks free, and that tells you everything that you need to know about Amerikkka's justice system, or lack thereof.

The New Yorker had the bright idea to interview his murderer. Lesley McSpadden  and Michael Brown Sr, have suffered a tremendous tragedy. Mike Brown's other family members and friends are still in pain, but let's give more attention to the man who is the source of that pain.

I refuse to type or speak his name. He will always be referred to as Michael Brown's killer. Any other identity ceases to exist for me. I wish that I hadn't read the article, and I even question why I did in the first place. A part of me was hoping for some remorse, or at the very least some compassion for the horrible crime that he has committed.

But none of that came forward. He was arrogant, unrepentant, privileged, and racist. His mother was a con artist, who stole thousands, stole other people's identities, and used men as pawns to further her criminal lifestyle. Yet, Michael Brown's killer has the nerve to snub his nose at Michael Brown's family, and the very community that he served in Ferguson.

Instead of offering an apology or sympathy for a family whose lives he shattered, his response is, "he is trying to put this ordeal behind him." Remember this is the same man who referred to Mike Brown as an "it" and a "demon." So not only did he assassinate his body, he furthered the narrative than Michael Brown was less than human.

Before you approach me with that lame Christian rhetoric of forgiveness, let me remind you that even for God to forgive, you must be repentant, confess what you have done wrong, and be sorry, unless you and I are reading different Bibles.


As we head into the weekend on the heels of the one year anniversary of Michael Brown's death, let's honor both his memory and his legacy, by making sure that there are no more tragic deaths like Michael Brown's, and that since the court system did not punish his murderer, that we make sure that he never "polices" again, and is no longer allowed to profit, either monetarily or through constant self-promotion.

Until next time....

Cecil and Jericho: The Only Two Africans that People Care About

Animal rights activists, white people, and new blacks lost their collective shit when word spread that Minnesota dentist, Walter Palmer, killed the beloved lion, Cecil. Online petitions were developed to have his dental practice shutdown, and for him to be extradited back to Zimbabwe to face criminal charges. An internet hoax over the weekend, also stated that Jericho, Cecil's brother had also been killed. The faux outrage spread like wildfire over the internet. Although the story proved to be untrue, the rage was real!

My question is, where is the shock/outrage for the over 500 mothers who have lost their children since January 1 of this year to senseless gun violence. Q. Where is your concern? Where is your petitions, marching, tears, and empathy for these women? Did I mention that these over 500 people dead, are also black? I guess that changes the conversation and the outrage.

The continent of Africa (Yes, Raven Simone it is a continent with over 54 countries FYI), has one of the largest populations dying from HIV/AIDS, but no let's talk about Cecil and Jericho.

Thousands of African children die each year due to poverty, disease, malnutrition and host of other issues, but no let's talk about Cecil and Jericho.

Thousands of African women are enslaved and are the victims of female genital mutilation, but no let's talk about Cecil and Jericho.

So I guess the only way black lives will truly matter, is if we become lions, or at the very least put on lion costumes!

Until next time....