"If you haven't had the experience, you do not have a right to judge the process." This thought came to me just two days ago, as I thought about that foregone conclusion better known as "forgiveness."
There was a story last week of Kevin Hart and his new wife's pregnancy announcement. Immediately, our lame media reached out to his ex-wife Torrie Hart to get her reaction, ready to pounce on her and drag her name through the mud, if her response was anything but positive. The truth is she needs to be left alone. Kevin cheated on her and left their marriage for this very woman. She was with Kevin when he was making $50 a night at local comedy club, keeping their home together, and raising his two children. She has more than earned the right to feel some type of way. Whether she reacts positively or negatively towards him, it is her choice, her forgiveness process.
Then there's Mary Harvey, Steve Harvey's second wife (His on wife number three; yet, you'll monkey tails keep buying his relationship books #rollseyes). News broke on last week that she has filed a 60 million civil suit alleging that he kidnapped their son and murdered her soul. Keep in mind that she lost custody of her son due to Steve's vicious slander, was almost jailed, and it is rumored that he engaged in an affair with his current wife, while still married to Mary. Now only the two of them know what truly transpired, but whether she chooses to forgive him or not, her journey, her process.
Many of you know my story; almost 34 years ago this coming August, I was molested, and this event changed the trajectory of my life. I am still affected by it. Now are those who feel that I should move on, or at the very least stop talking about it. How do I know? You change the subject or get quiet when I mention it. Over time, the idea of forgiveness has come up, and honestly, I don't know if I am there. What I know is that it is difficult to forgive when there is no apology, no acknowledgment, or when you continue to suffer long after the other person has moved on, which I would imagine is something very similar to what Torrie Hart and Mary Harvey may be experiencing.
Now any self-help guru worth his or her salt will tell you that ":forgiveness is not about the other person, it is what you need to do to be okay." I call bullshit! Forgiveness is about all parties involved; the burden should not be placed upon the offended party to be the bigger person, and if you subscribe to a religion that teaches you that kind of malarkey, you need to rethink your religion.
Some people forgive within months, for some it may take years, and in all honesty, for some it never occurs. But wherever the offended party is in that journey, allow the individual to have his or her feelings. If you haven't experienced the trauma, keep your well meaning, Bible quoting, psycho babble to yourself. Even if you have experienced the trauma, know that everyone's journey is different and no two people experience or deal with trauma the same.
Listen, show empathy, and learn to be silent, unless you are asked to speak!
Until next time....
Thursday, May 25, 2017
Friday, May 19, 2017
Rompers and Toxic Masculinity
There are many nonsense debates and hot topics via social media. It is a platform that has become a breeding ground for assholes, those with low self-esteem, and those who I refer to as keyboard bullies (chicken shits who would never say those things to you in public, but have the courage of David when he slew Goliath, when they are on social media).
One of these nonsensical topics was men wearing rompers. For those of you who are not fashionably astute, rompers are one piece short sets, where the top and bottom halves are all one piece.
The overly masculine men had plenty to say (you know the ones who are overly aggressive via social media because they are trying to "show out" for their boys, while claiming to love women). The ones who are experts on everything manly, but have no problem receiving oral sex from men, or cruising adult bookstores and dark alleys for men to "experiment" with. Trust me. there are more of these type men than you think. This is not to say that every man who has a dissenting opinion is down low, but when you make that your primary focus, and you will always have to chime in when these type of conversations arise, then yes, you have some latent tendencies that you might need to see a therapist about. Men who are truly heterosexual, don't take the time to worry about other men; they are too busy handling their own manhoods to give another man a second thought!
But the saddest thing is, the women even chimed in (but these same women have no problem having a gay best friend, gay hair dresser, or letting a gay man direct their choir at church (I call them fag hags. Women who like gay men, strictly if they can use or abuse them for their own fodder). I feel sorry for the gay men who even consider you a friend, because they deserve better.
But while we are on the subject of real men, let's talk about a few things!
1. Real men make sure that all of their children have the same mother. Oh, you are quiet now. There is nothing more disgusting when you have several children, and none of them have the same mother. Why? Because there is no way you can give ample time, attention, and care, when all of your children don't live in the same household. Someone gets short changed. One of the major reasons why there are so many fucked up adults, because you spread your "seed" around, rather than making it work with one woman. Yes, life happens, but when your bulk of your manhood is centered around your dick, rather than things that actually matter, these things tend to happen.
2. Real men make sure their sons respect women. It is upsetting to see memes, conversations, and overall toxic masculinity where men disrespect women. These same men would catch a case if someone spoke to or about their mothers or sisters in the same way. And while we are on the subject, you don't have to be related to, or connected to a woman, to show them respect. It should come naturally; that is what real men do!
3. Real men teach their sons that there is more to life than sports. Some of you constantly brag about your son's prowess in sports; yet, he is not reading on his grade level. If and this is a big if, he does play professional ball, who is going to read his contract to him? Trust me the sports organization is going to be looking out for themselves, and so are the lawyers. It's downright sad because you can see these fathers living out their failed dreams through their sons. Most of the time when I see academic related post about males, it comes from their mothers, wives, or some other woman in their lives. Let's stop this caveman shit! Sports are great; there is nothing better than a good basketball game, but you need to teach those little mofos that being educated is not white, nor is it not masculine, and make sure they can be their woman's equal on an intellectual level as well.
4. Real men take care of home! I have so many women in my life (co-workers, relatives, casual acquaintances, etc) who are working multiple jobs, and their men have one job. What is wrong with this picture? If you are truly the "man" as you "flex" about via social media, why is your woman working harder than you? Shouldn't your woman have one job or no job, and you are the one with the multiple jobs? If your woman is working harder than you, then you are not the man, you are just a roommate (get mad, but these are facts). If money is that tight, you should be the one with the side hustle, because that is what real men do! Maybe, if you cut out some of your gym time, your wives/girlfriends won't have to work so hard. (I am going to quit before you'll get too mad). Ha!
So now that I have highlighted some things about how some of you don't have your shit together, is a romper a really big deal? Prince (God rest his soul) wore makeup, heels, butt out jeans, and got more ass than some of you who are always showing us various parts of your body, which we do not want to see, but you show us anyway). The late James Brown, Elvis Presley, and Sean Connery in his James Bond role, all wore rompers during the 1970's, and either one of these men in their prime could get more ass than any of you, in those rompers.
The point is when you are concerned with your own manhood, when you are doing it right, you really don't have the time or energy to worry about another man's manhood. Because clothes don't determine sexuality, attraction and sexual activity do. Above all, mind your business! You will never see me in a romper; not because I think it's wrong, but I have a weird shaped body, and they are not for me! But if I see another man wearing one, I will not judge or question his sexuality, I will simply say, it's not for me, and move on with life, and some of the rest of you would be better off doing the same.
And for those of you who want to wear one, but are too preoccupied with what your "boys" may say, do you! Because I bet those same mofos who you are "flexing" for have some secrets that they don't want to you to know about!
Until next time......
One of these nonsensical topics was men wearing rompers. For those of you who are not fashionably astute, rompers are one piece short sets, where the top and bottom halves are all one piece.
The overly masculine men had plenty to say (you know the ones who are overly aggressive via social media because they are trying to "show out" for their boys, while claiming to love women). The ones who are experts on everything manly, but have no problem receiving oral sex from men, or cruising adult bookstores and dark alleys for men to "experiment" with. Trust me. there are more of these type men than you think. This is not to say that every man who has a dissenting opinion is down low, but when you make that your primary focus, and you will always have to chime in when these type of conversations arise, then yes, you have some latent tendencies that you might need to see a therapist about. Men who are truly heterosexual, don't take the time to worry about other men; they are too busy handling their own manhoods to give another man a second thought!
But the saddest thing is, the women even chimed in (but these same women have no problem having a gay best friend, gay hair dresser, or letting a gay man direct their choir at church (I call them fag hags. Women who like gay men, strictly if they can use or abuse them for their own fodder). I feel sorry for the gay men who even consider you a friend, because they deserve better.
But while we are on the subject of real men, let's talk about a few things!
1. Real men make sure that all of their children have the same mother. Oh, you are quiet now. There is nothing more disgusting when you have several children, and none of them have the same mother. Why? Because there is no way you can give ample time, attention, and care, when all of your children don't live in the same household. Someone gets short changed. One of the major reasons why there are so many fucked up adults, because you spread your "seed" around, rather than making it work with one woman. Yes, life happens, but when your bulk of your manhood is centered around your dick, rather than things that actually matter, these things tend to happen.
2. Real men make sure their sons respect women. It is upsetting to see memes, conversations, and overall toxic masculinity where men disrespect women. These same men would catch a case if someone spoke to or about their mothers or sisters in the same way. And while we are on the subject, you don't have to be related to, or connected to a woman, to show them respect. It should come naturally; that is what real men do!
3. Real men teach their sons that there is more to life than sports. Some of you constantly brag about your son's prowess in sports; yet, he is not reading on his grade level. If and this is a big if, he does play professional ball, who is going to read his contract to him? Trust me the sports organization is going to be looking out for themselves, and so are the lawyers. It's downright sad because you can see these fathers living out their failed dreams through their sons. Most of the time when I see academic related post about males, it comes from their mothers, wives, or some other woman in their lives. Let's stop this caveman shit! Sports are great; there is nothing better than a good basketball game, but you need to teach those little mofos that being educated is not white, nor is it not masculine, and make sure they can be their woman's equal on an intellectual level as well.
4. Real men take care of home! I have so many women in my life (co-workers, relatives, casual acquaintances, etc) who are working multiple jobs, and their men have one job. What is wrong with this picture? If you are truly the "man" as you "flex" about via social media, why is your woman working harder than you? Shouldn't your woman have one job or no job, and you are the one with the multiple jobs? If your woman is working harder than you, then you are not the man, you are just a roommate (get mad, but these are facts). If money is that tight, you should be the one with the side hustle, because that is what real men do! Maybe, if you cut out some of your gym time, your wives/girlfriends won't have to work so hard. (I am going to quit before you'll get too mad). Ha!
So now that I have highlighted some things about how some of you don't have your shit together, is a romper a really big deal? Prince (God rest his soul) wore makeup, heels, butt out jeans, and got more ass than some of you who are always showing us various parts of your body, which we do not want to see, but you show us anyway). The late James Brown, Elvis Presley, and Sean Connery in his James Bond role, all wore rompers during the 1970's, and either one of these men in their prime could get more ass than any of you, in those rompers.
The point is when you are concerned with your own manhood, when you are doing it right, you really don't have the time or energy to worry about another man's manhood. Because clothes don't determine sexuality, attraction and sexual activity do. Above all, mind your business! You will never see me in a romper; not because I think it's wrong, but I have a weird shaped body, and they are not for me! But if I see another man wearing one, I will not judge or question his sexuality, I will simply say, it's not for me, and move on with life, and some of the rest of you would be better off doing the same.
And for those of you who want to wear one, but are too preoccupied with what your "boys" may say, do you! Because I bet those same mofos who you are "flexing" for have some secrets that they don't want to you to know about!
Until next time......
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