With the whole #Me Too Movement, incredible light is being shone on a systematic and historical pattern of sexual assault and violence against both men and women. You have had famous individuals like Terry Crews, Corey Feldman, Rose Garner, Gabrielle Union, and others who have bravely told their stories. Then you have the perpetrators like you'll president that orange minion in the Oval, GOP Senator Roy Moore, Democratic Senator Al Franken. The perpetrator list goes from Hollywood elites, record executives, politicians, and plenty of other men in authoritative positions.
But extending beyond that is what I called the "what about syndrome". This is that syndrome where when a favorite person of ours, or someone whom we laud as a hero is revealed as a sexual predator, we immediately jump to their defense, and say, "What about Trump? What about Moore? When the truth is, all sexual predators should be punished.
Here is what we know to be true. When victims are women, gay, or people of color, the criminal justice system does not care, so there will be little or no punishment for their assailants. If the perpetrator is a woman, or person of color, then there will be prosecution, and the largest, most unfair sentence will be given. These two things are facts, and until we get non-white supremacists in position of power within our criminal justice system, this will always be true.
However, just because someone is your fave or hero, does not negate their propensity to be predators. When someone tells you that they have been the victim of sexual assault, and you say what about Trump or Moore, or automatically deflect, what you are saying to that individual is that, although what you experienced is tragic, my need to hero worship, punish the opposing political party, or my need to just be right, are more important than justice for you. Stop it!
It took me two years to tell after I was sexually assaulted, and almost 20 to become comfortable discussing it with individuals outside of my social circles due to the attitudes of general society.
It really is okay, if you don't know what to say after this type of information is revealed, to just stay silent. That is far better than telling someone that they are lying through your words or deeds, or deflecting to another sexual predator. No victim is more important than the other, so even if someone whom you favor is being accused, the first priority should be the victim, not your loyalty to the predator.
Each time you deflect, you create anxiety and PTSD for the victims, diminish their worth and cheapen what happened to them.
Sexual assault is not about sex; it is about power and control, and those two things exceed race, socioeconomic status, celebrity status, and age.
And please stop with the only feeling empathy when the victim is not accusing someone whom you care about, or is not related to you in some way. Every victim deserves to believed, heard, and empowered. Get out of your feelings. Stop making it about you, and allow healing to take place!
Until next time....
