40 and 1 Month!

I am officially 40 years, and 1 month old today. Out of all my many birthdays, this was the one that I met with extreme anxiety and trepidation! I am talking about the kind of anxiety that had my palms sweaty, my heart beating rapidly, and one that was met with an extreme sense of gloom.

It doesn't help that my mother is only 17 years older than me, and I have witnessed 90% of her milestones in life.

On paper I look good: two degrees, 18 years of experience in my chosen field, actually doing what I attended college for, own my own home; yeah, materialistically speaking, I am a "good black man".

But then there is the other side: I am childless (which is not necessarily a bad thing), single (which is an even greater relief most days), living paycheck to paycheck (yeah, I need to fix that ASAP), and my energy is less (I think that is more a symptom of my age), and unhappy with my jobs (Yes, I have multiple ones).

Earlier today, while pondering my advancing age, and job hatred, I wrote the titles and ideas for seven books.,

Three years ago, I self-published my first one. Since then, I have started on four more, but procrastination, fear, and the busyness of life, have stalled my creativity and my inspiration.

But there is something about being 40 and 1 month. A ticking clock, a sense of urgency, a basic sense of being fed up, and feeling that I am spinning like a hamster on a wheel, that makes me realize that I need to step into my destiny.

I have often been told that I have a way with words; that I would be good at writing books, and I have a plethora of book ideas, but the problem is my follow through. I let life inundate me, when I should be working towards my goals.

What I really want to do is to write books, discuss those books and other life issues with others, guest lecture, give speeches, anything but what I am doing now.

If there is any silver lining to my advanced age, it is a feeling of being unbothered. Unbothered doesn't mean being selfish, uncaring, or a douchebag. For me, it means deciding what I allow to bother me, allowing my needs to take precedent over what is important or necessary to others. Fulfilling my destiny.

Now to get off the proverbial stool of doing nothing, getting rid of complacency, letting go of fear, taking back my life.

Unbothered!

Until next time....