Sherri Shepherd: Ladies, Let's Not Be Hypocrites

I will support women on all issues until the day that I die. My mother is a woman, I have friends who are women. My sister is a woman, so I am sensitive to your plight.

But I am also a realist and very opinionated, and not afraid to call people out on their bullshit, and women, your attitudes and reactions toward the Sherri Shepherd situation, are complete and utter bullshit.

I am a product of the child support system, meaning that my father had to be legally made to financially take care of me. This is nothing new under the sun.

I have also been privy to the conversations of countless female friends and relatives lament about deadbeat dads, and their own child support woes.

But these same women are visibly silent about Sherri Shepherd. Some are even offering support and prayers. Why?

Sherri Shepherd a grown ass 45 year old woman claims that her husband, Lamar Sally "tricked" her into signing a legally binding surrogacy agreement.

Now that the child is here, and her marriage is toast, she wants to cry foul.

A judge earlier this week, deemed the surrogacy agreement legally valid, and ordered that Sherri Shepherd be recognized as the legal mother of the child.

Let's get back to the idea of Sherri being "tricked". How does a 45 year old get tricked? She is not mentally incompetent, and this is not her first rodeo in relationships, as Sally is her second husband.

But yet she created a "woe is me" story, and women, you fell for it, hook, line, and sinker!

The truth is, she was desperate! She fed into society's bull about there being no good men, and she was thirsty for a husband, and didn't do her vetting.

Now when she finds that her husband was a male gold digger and didn't want to work, she cries foul, and you fellow females are feeding into this.

The greater truth is, that she is no better than the deadbeat dads already in the system. Yes, her gender is different, and she has celebrity status, and more money, but the story is the same.

So ladies, how long before you give your sister girl the truth? How many of you, are going to be yes, women, and not speak the unadulterated truth to her? Somebody needs to, because at the end of the day, an innocent child is caught in the middle, a child who did not ask to be born, and who deserves to be loved and cared for.


Until next time.....

Why I Am Not Here for Hillary Clinton But Will Vote For Her Anyway

It has been eight days since Hillary Clinton announced her campaign for the 2016 presidency, and I am about as excited as am about getting a root canal from the dentist.

I was hoping Obama could run for a third term or maybe even her husband Bill, but our Constitution does not allow for that.

Or maybe Elizabeth Warren, or Cory Booker, or maybe one of the Castro brothers....anyone but Hillary!

No, it has nothing to do with her gender or her race. For me, it is about that candidate, who can represent my interests!

I remember back in 1992, when her husband Bill, ran for his first term in office. I was 16 at the time, and I saw him playing his saxophone on the Arsenio Hall show. Even though that was impressive, what impressed me more was his backstory. Here was a self-mad man, who grew up in a single parent home, with a hard working, working class mother. Here was a man, who despite his skin color and Ivy League education, could identify with me and most every average American. There was no silver spoon here. His mother raised him in abject poverty, and the only way he was able to attend college was because of his academic prowess  and scholarship, not because of his last name or his privilege.

There was another man who about 16 years later,who would inspire me just as much. He just happened to share the same skin tone, but his background was very similar to Bill Clinton's. He grew up in abject poverty, raised by a single mother, and only attended Ivy League schools because of academic prowess and scholarships. His name was Barack Obama.

Needless to say, I am not excited about 2016. A bunch of privileged candidates who will pander to the corporate types, while the middle class and working class people like myself are consistently screwed over. While black bodies constantly drop in the streets (319 since January 1, 2015), and while government squeezes more tax dollars out of the middle class, while this population gets smaller every month.

I need someone who can connect with me, the average citizen, like Barack and Bill did long ago. So since none of the other Democratic hopefuls have stepped up, and every Republican candidate is batshit crazy and out of touch, and determined to set us back about 150 years, Hillary is the best and only option.

So while I am not excited about voting for her, she is the better than the other guy, and since not voting is not an option, she will begrudgingly receive my vote.

I just need for Hillary to be more inviting, more in touch with the average citizen. I need her to be more like Bill, minus the blowjobs and philandering of course!


Until next time....

Raven Symone: Black Folks You'll Go Get Your Cousin!

Every since slavery blacks have had several discussions on how to self-identify. Some of these self-identifications were a result of overt racism (nigger, coloreds, spooks, Sambos,) and others because some wanted to stay true to our African roots (African American) and not be labeled as a simple color (black).

So I didn't really take offense when Raven Symone during a very candid interview with Oprah last year, said that she wanted to be labeled as simply, "American.""...Whatever, tomato/tomata..who cares?

But of course Ms. Symone did not stop there. In a recent interview, she defended a Univision employee who lost his job for stating  that First Lady Michelle Obama resembled a monkey. Ms. Symone said some people did indeed look like zoo animals (I am sure she wasn't referring to the FLOTUS of course...Insert eyeroll here)!

But no she doesn't stop there. In another recent interview, she states that she is from every continent in Africa...wait what? Last I checked, Africa was one continent, made up of 54 countries and two provinces. Oh by the way, in that same interview with Oprah, she said she was not from Africa, neither were her descendants, which is why she took such offense to being labeled as African American...wait what?..but okay Ms. Raven!


So after all these offenses, black people can you'll come get your cousin?

Raven is proof of what happens when we folks have too much time and money on their hands.

You see nobody is checking for Raven. She has aged out of Disney productions (She is coming up on 30 in December). She is about 20 years too late to play the cutesy little girl role that she did on the Cosby Show.

And with plenty of time, and money, and no formal education (No, you don't need a college degree to be formally educated, but she could at least read a book or two every now and again), we get these idiotic statements.

The dangerous thing is some little girl is idolizing her, and the yes men and women of Hollywood will not tell her the truth.

The truth that it is a dangerous game when you try to separate yourself  from your people and your history.

Maybe, Ms. Symone needs to make a prison visit to OJ, and ask how that worked for him!

Until next time.....

To Vaccinate or Not Vaccinate? Not Even a Question But A Matter of Personal Choice

I don't have a dog in this fight. I don't have children! It is not really an important issue for me, but this is just my commentary as a casual observer.

For politicians it becomes a partisan issue. For Democrats, they get to be the heroes for the bleeding heart Liberals, who will champion a cause  out of the most mundane issues. For Republicans, it gives them a chance to pander to the grossly stupid and misinformed, and to give the false pretense that they support smaller government (rolls eyes).

For mothers, it is just another way for them to snub each other. You know the type. I am the best mother because I vaccinate my children, and you are horrible because you don't (rolls eyes again).

For men, it is just another way for us to exert our authority, in this very patriarchal driven society.

The truth is like abortion and many other personal issues, it should be a matter of choice.

For those of you who have children, it is your responsibility as a parent to decide what is best for your children! End of story! No discussion or commentary necessary!

For those who choose to vaccinate, they have decided that it is best, based upon their research and concern for the overall health and safety of their children.

For those who choose not to vaccinate, some believe that it leads to autism, and yet, there are some of who don't because of religious reasons.

Again, it is about individual choice!

I am not a fan of government (Republican or Democrat) getting involved in personal choice issues. Abortion is a personal choice. Vaccinating your children is a personal choice.

In closing, worry about the little mofos left to your charge, and let others worry about their little mofos, because from what I seen as a casual observer, vaccinations are the least of your problems!


Until next time.....

Why Black Folks are Mad Over the Selma Oscar Snub

It is amazing in the year 2015, that racism has to be explained to anyone over the age of 12, but privilege allows some to pick and choose what they care about.

There are those who say, there were more talented films than Selma. There are those who say there are far more important issues in the black community. There are those who say that we should not let awards define us. There are those who say, we gave you'll equal rights, what more do you want? There are those who say it was what we expected, so why be mad?

My answer to all of these questions and to these different groups, is this.

Black actors never get the opportunities like their white counterparts. I remember reading how Viola Davis who has a career that began in her teens used take to three buses each way to attend classes at Julliard when she was 14 years old, and here some 30 plus years later, she is just receiving recognition in terms of good quality roles, still being snubbed for awards, and still does not make the dollars for her roles as her white counterparts. Top white actors get at least 3-4 huge movie roles a year and make almost 20 million a film for those roles. How many black actors can say the same, maybe Denzel and Will, but that is two out of how many thousand?

Black actors never get recognition for roles outside of slaves (Lupita, Denzel Washington), maids (Octavia Spencer, Hattie McDaniel), rogue/thug cops (Denzel Washington), or bad mothers (Halle Berry, Monique). Roles which portray us as less than, servants, or in a derogatory light are the roles in which we are given awards. Yes, there are exceptions to this, but these types of roles outweigh the good ones. Are these roles bad? No, but blacks portray so many different roles for which we have either been snubbed or totally ignored altogether.

Selma involves a historical event, which occurred 50 years ago, and still the fight continues. If you don't believe me, look at Ferguson, Missouri. The marches that have occurred since Michael Brown's murder, which to this day, his murderer walks free enjoying the same liberties as you and me. So the timeliness of this film, the brilliant acting, more than qualify it for more than two Oscar nominations.
Again, there are those who say that other films got snubbed. There are only a certain number of slots. The excuses rain down like manna from heaven, because it is easier to offer excuses for this continual slight, than it is to change the system. I laughed when people told me this wasn't worth marching or organizing over, but remember 50 years ago in Selma, this is what Dr. King (you know that nonviolent black leader who racist whites like to quote to get black people to calm down, or who black intellectuals like to quote to make us get in line and make the entire race look good), just to secure voting rights for those Selma citizens and for many in the South who were being denied, although the Constitution said that they could! Let's think for a moment, would Dr. King, simply let the continual snubbing of the Academy, go? If you think he would, I urge you to do some research outside of what your limited public school education taught you. Read, Letter from a Birmingham Jail or some of his more prolific speeches, you get a more accurate view of the man behind them, and why he didn't even live to see his 40th birthday. Or why the FBI was wire tapping his phones and hotel rooms.

So is the Oscar snub important in the grand scheme of things? Maybe, maybe not depending on your perspective. But today it is an Oscar snub. Tomorrow is one of our children getting gun down in the streets Or getting profiled in a grocery store. Or being passed over for a job, even though our education and credentials make us overqualified. The thing is this black skin makes us a constant target. We don't get to be comfortable, and those of us who say that we are, are in denial.

If you can't see this. If you get to pick and choose what upsets you, what you march for, and try to tell others what they can and can not march for, then you are privileged. Privileged to live in a skin that affords you the opportunity to not care about Oscar snubs, to say that others are more talented, to walk in public unscathed, unprofiled and to secure employment solely on your credentials. Don't cry, apologize, or get mad about it, embrace it. If I had it, trust me, I would!

Until next time.....

Let Me Explain Something to All of You: My Story

I was a chronic bed wetter. I didn't have any physical or emotional ailments. I just simply believed there was no good reason to break good sleep when there was a perfectly comfortable bed to use.
 At the time, I was the only male living in my Grandmother's home, so I had a room to myself. However, this changed during weekends and holidays when extended family and friends came to visit. My Grandmother's house was small, with three bedrooms, and sometimes there were 3 and 4 people to a bed.
 During this particular time, it was just my molester and me in my bedroom. My bed was pushed up against a wall, so the person on the back side, had to crawl across the other person to get out of bed, since the foot of the bed had rails that a child could easily get hurt from trying to exit the bed from that side.
On this particular August night, my molester nudged me awake, so that I could get up to use the bedroom. In a family as large as mine, if you were a bed wetter, it was public information, so the person tasked with sleeping with you, did not get a surprise.

After I returned from the bathroom, my molester was standing in front of my bed. I thought he was doing that, so that I would not have to crawl over him, but what happened next changed the course of my life forever.

I will spare you the details, but in those moments, I transitioned from an innocent six year old boy, who played with Star Wars action figures, attended church every Sunday, and several times during the week, to a victim of molestation. I didn't even know what had happened to me. I had no knowledge of sex. My television viewing was restricted to cartoons and the news. I lived with my Grandmother who was widowed, in her mid 60's and didn't date, so any man who  I had contact with was a relative or close friend of one of my extended relatives. But in those moments, I knew that whatever it was, it was not right.

I thought about telling my Grandmother, my mother or some other adult, but how do you articulate something like that, when you not even sure of what happened? You have no knowledge of sex and sexual activity, the adult is respectable, known to your family, and you are a child with a wild imagination, and a known bed wetter.

Take into account, as this time in my life, my mother had a new baby, her marriage was on its last leg, and I am going back and forth between her and my Grandmother.

I told two years later. Something about that particular time made me feel "safe" enough to tell. Keep in mind I lived in a small town. A "scandal" like this would have rocked the core of so many lives. So the adults in my life collectively decided it was best to not pursue prosecution and that we should keep this in the family. My molester wasn't famous, wasn't even a good person, but at this point, he had more protection than me.

It was never a topic of conversation. There was no therapy.No prosecution. No civil charges. I was told to let it go, not so much in words, but through actions or lack thereof.

Today, my molester is a reformed man, has given his life to Jesus, works dutifully in the church, nowhere near the monster/devil he was in my bedroom that fateful August night over 30 years ago.

Has he truly been redeemed? Maybe, I will leave that for him and God to work out.

I didn't write this for your pity. I don't need it, because it comes over 30 years too late. I wrote this to help you understand what victims of sexual crime feel. I have attempted suicide twice, had a host of sexual issues throughout my life, all because my first sexual experience was not consensual, and I was forced to live with the after effects without any professional, medical, or legal assistance.

Some would say my disdain for Bill Cosby and those like him, is what psychologists refer to as projection. This is where you try to "project" your thoughts, feelings, and action onto others, to get them to feel what you are, rather than dealing with your own issues. You may be right, and I can take any judgment that you would like to throw my way . Some of you are probably rolling your eyes right now, for me sharing this very personal information. I can take that too!  After all, you can't possibly make me feel anymore guilty, ashamed or any other emotion than I have over the past 30 years, knowing that I allowed a man to go free, to possibly do this to others.

So before you judge that promiscuous girl, or your wife or girlfriend for being "frigid" and not "putting out" enough, or that boy who is effeminate, or sexually awkward, or that person who decides suicide is the best option, or that individual who abuses drugs, check into their histories. I am pretty sure that they may have a story similar to mine as sexual abuse, and/or violence, manifests itself in a variety of ways. Before you ask why Bill Cosby's victims chose to stay silent for so long. My molester wasn't famous, in fact many, are regular average Joes without a pot to piss in or window to throw it out of, yet, there is a rush to protect them over their victims. If you learned nothing else from what I have written today, every victim deserves a voice, your empathy, your belief. There is no "perfect" victim and having that mindset, is why this rape culture will always be an issue in our society.


Until next time....

Bill Cosby and Why I Need All of You To Take Collective Seats

Every time  I think that humans could not stoop any lower or disappoint me any more than they already have, situations like the Bill Cosby rape accusations come to light, and true to form, humans show their true colors.

Right now, we are sitting at 15 women coming forward. Those are just the 15 brave enough to lend their voices to this pursuit of justice, I am sure there are probably more.

Before you call them gold diggers, before you talk about how white they are (like race matters to a rapist), how ugly they are (rolls eyes) or why it took so long, let me remind you that it was a MAN ( I put that in capital letters for those of you, who are a little slow) who brought attention to a matter that has had rumblings for over 30 years. His name is Hannibal Burgess. Google him. In his recent stand-up routine, he made references to Bill Cosby's sexual assault history with women, and from there this spawned a social and mainstream media interest, and this is when most of these women spoke up....do you understand that? It wasn't about Bill Cosby's good name, his money, the time that  had elapsed since the incidents, or his recent television deals, it was a fellow comedian's jokes that contributed to these accusations going from mere rumblings to front page news.

How can something like this happen? It is simple, and I can tell you who's to blame.

Bill Cosby. He is accused of these vile acts, so instead of victim and slut shaming, worrying about his legacy, his good name or his celebrity status, why don't you ask Mr. Cosby about his sordid past? The problem is many individuals can't separate Mr. Cosby from his fictitious television character, Heathcliff Huxtable and the fact that we love to hero worship celebrities.

I blame white males in a positions of power. I am not talking about all white males (pump your brakes). I am talking about white males like the Koch brothers and network executives. Men who make billions each year. They won't champion or support black boys like Trayvon Martin or Michael Brown or seek justice for their deaths, because there is no money in it. But let one of our black males entertain in some way, and they can become more rich as a result of this black male, then all of a sudden, black lives have value. Can you say Kobe Bryant? Can you say R. Kelly? Can you say Michael Jackson? All famous black men accused of infamous crimes against women and/or children but escaped prosecution because they had something that white men in power wanted, an opportunity to use their talents to make these men even more rich. Trust me, if a black man makes millions and appears rich, the white man who owns the very entertainment medium in which he works, is making billions.

I blame a small segment of the black community. The small segment who tries to put blacks who do well and represent the race well, on a pedestal. You know what I am talking about. In the age of reality television, where some of our fellow black citizens, exhibit behavior, which we deem as making the race look bad (like one black person represents an entire race...go sit down!), if there is someone, be it Bill Cosby, Oprah, Tyler Perry, who not only has amassed a fortune, but makes us look good as a race, we will defend them to the death. But again, let one of our black kids, who hasn't shown this same promise get murdered in the streets, and there is radio silence. We are so busy looking for a leader, a savior, or a great representation of our race, we have forsaken, and forgotten those who need us most: our women and our children.

I blame feminists. White feminists don't give a shit about black feminist issues if they don't affect them directly.Because most, if not all of Cosby's accusers are white, black feminists can't be bothered to champion or fight for these women, because again, it does not affect them. All women deserve to be heard, deserve their days in court, deserve to be believed and respected when making these allegations. White feminists and black feminists alike have to learn, that you are your sisters' keeper, and that just because this issue does not affect your particular group today, there is an issue that will arise, where you may need support, so why not lend a hand? Stop the infighting and blase' attitudes and work together!

As I always say on most of my blogs, if you don't have anything of value to add to a discussion, just keep quiet. If you don't care, or don't have enough information, it is okay not to comment. Not every situation requires your comment, and it will save you from looking like an ass by saying the wrong thing or slut shaming someone's mother, daughter, friend, cousin, etc.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out, but what is even more interesting is how individuals will vilify a victim or victims and protect their accusers, and that is everything of what is wrong with this world.

Until next time.....