A few weeks ago, the singer/dancer Ciara posted a sermon by John Gray, the lone African American pastor under the Joel Osteen ministry. In the sermon, Pastor Gray references Proverbs 31, and discussed being a virtuous woman who is worthy of a husband (insert eyeroll). Ciara posted this sermon to her Twitter timeline with the hashtag #levelup. Now Black Twitter has designated itself the procurer of all things related to Black people, and if you ever want your social media mentions to "blowup", simply post something problematic, and they will subtweet, dig up old tweets, social media stalk you, talk about your mama, well, you get the point.
Let me say this, I had no issue with what Ciara posted, nor did I take
issue with Pastor Gray's sermon. Want to know why? I could give two
fucks about marriage. I'm 41, will be 42 in seven months, and I am not
interested in being legally tied to anyone at this juncture in my life.
If I had met someone, when I was building in my 20's, who I could have
built with, then sure. But I am almost 42, no way in hell, anyone is
coming to claim half of what I have spent the last 20 years building!
Fuck you, no thanks. Now if I were to meet someone, and fall in love (I
think I have a better chance of winning the lottery), but if I by chance
I did, then I would be open to possible co-habitation without legal
ties. That's my ministry!
Another hot button issue around this subject, was when the comedian/actress, Leslie Jones posted a gym selfie. She expressed that although she was working out for health reasons, it would be nice if she had someone to appreciate her progress. Twitter exploded into a firestorm. Ashy/Pickme Twitter started giving advice about how she could improve herself to get this "perfect man" (insert eyeroll). Fake Feminist Twitter told her about self-love (insert eyeroll again), and Sensible Twitter just simply tweeted words of encouragement.
But there are some who do desire marriage,, and who do want someone to grow old with. Well, I am here to tell you, that if that's what you want, don't give up. Don't you let the Black church with its outdated theology, and your married miserable friends, deter you in your quest for marital bliss. Let me put this in perspective for you. Donald Trump has been married three times! Steve Harvey has been married three times! If they can secure companionship with their sexism and outright foolish antics, you can also. Stop letting other people tell you what you can or can't have! Stop listening to women haters telling you, that you have to be "worthy" of a man or be a Proverbs 31 woman to get a husband. Here is what I know to be true: there are plenty of Proverbs 31 women who are single as fuck, and there are plenty of sex workers, and sexually liberated women who have husbands. No matter your past, present, or future, you are worthy of whatever or whomever your heart desires. Instead of focusing on your worthiness as a wife or potential mate, make sure that any man who you choose to spend your life with is "worthy" of you. This is what we should teach our daughters.
Here's what I also know to be true, make sure that your desire for marriage is wrapped in a personal goal, and not a societal one. Society teaches us, that marriage is the ultimate goal, and some of us, who really have no desire to be, have twisted ourselves into human pretzels trying to fulfill a societal obligation. If you want to be married, are willing to do the work it takes to make it work, knock yourself out. Your king or queen will come. But if you are doing it just because you feel that you have to, or it is the next logical step, you will end up just like your married, miserable friends. And no not all married people are miserable, but a vast majority are, and those are odds I choose not to deal with.
Above all, live in your truth. Never accept less than what you deserve, and never allow individuals who aren't directly impacted by your life choices to dictate those choices.
Until next time....
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