Steve Harvey: Please Go Sit Down!

I applaud anyone for building his or her brand. Let's be honest, in today's shaky economy, I think it is important to have multiple streams of income.

But there is a point when you also have to know your limitations, and stay in your lane.
Apparently, Steve Harvey did not get that memo!

A few years ago, he wrote a book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. There have even been two movies centered around the book. Steven Harvey is thrice married, and twice divorced, has cheated on each wife with the current, and when the two previous Mrs. Harveys would not go away quietly, he drug them through the court systems with nasty divorces and child custody hearings. Does this sound like someone who you want to take relationship advice from?

Like one of his tenets in the book is that a woman should wait 90 days before she has sex with her new man. Not when there is chemistry. Not when she feels comfortable. Not after they have taken mutual STD tests. Just when the clock strikes 90 days. Steve's claim is that a man will respect you more, and you have more chance of becoming his wife, like that is every woman's ultimate goal (rolls eyes).

This was one of those books that I knew was not for me, so rather than blast Steve for it, I just simply passed on it, and kept it moving.

Recently, he acquired Paul Deen to mentor black boys in culinary arts. The same Paula Deen publicly ridiculed for publicly uttering a racial epithet and treating her minority employees like modern day slaves, and again, I gave Steve a pass.

Now Mr. Harvey has a dating website, and this is not just any website, It is website to teach women how to become more dateable. Yep, you read that correctly!

So now ladies, you can find your soulmate, but only if you are dateable, and maybe you can find and marry a man like Steve Harvey, who will only respect you if you make him wait 90 days for sex, while he cheats on you with the next Mrs. Harvey, and then divorces you while disparaging and defaming your character during divorce and custody proceedings.

Doesn't that just sound like a prince ladies?

Steve, I liked you better when you just told jokes, made us laugh, and went on about your business. Go back to that, and leave the relationship advice to the experts, you know the ones with actual psychology and counseling degrees, or the ones who have actually sustained a healthy, monogamous relationship for more than a Hollywood minute.

 Above all, cut the misogynistic bullshit. I am sure that if any woman wants relationship advice, there are plenty of mothers, aunts, female cousins, and other community women who could do a much better job building their self-esteem and giving relationship advice.

Until next time....

black-ish Is Not The Cosby Show and I Am Glad

Since 1992, when the last Cosby Show episode aired, network television executives, black people, even Bill Cosby and anyone who was a cult follower of this iconic show have tried to get the magic that was once the Cosby Show, back!

Many have tried and failed, and let's be honest it is difficult to even mimic or follow that iconic recipe for a good family sitcom.Even some 22 years after the airing of the last episode, The Cosby Show still makes us laugh, and revert to childhood memories.

Many black intellectuals (you know that group who gets on my damn nerves) have often lamented about finding a Cosbyish show to fill the void, or that there aren't enough positive images of black people on television (rolls eyes and stomps feet because they have beaten this particular horse to death), so imagine my surprise when I heard about black-ish, a new comedy starring the wonderful comedic talent, Anthony Anderson, the immensely talented Laurence Fishburne, and the amazing Tracey Ellis Ross.

After the first episode, the pilot, I was not impressed. I felt they were doing too much, trying to cover too much territory, and I was not interested in a show trying to define or make the black culture all-inclusive. In fact, I had already told my sister to take it off the dvr rotation.

Thankfully, she did not listen to me, and after viewing episodes 2 and 3, I can honestly saw that the show has found its stride. You will love the children the most of all. All of them are newcomers to the entertainment field, but they shine, especially the two youngest, who are fraternal twins.

The basic premise of the show is that you have two upper class African-American parents, living in an affluent area of Los Angeles, trying to make their children more aware of their African-American heritage, or it seems to be of prime concern for the father (Anthony Anderson). Mom seems just fine with the children, but let me tell you, hilarity ensues.

So no black-ish is not the Cosbys, and to be honest, I am glad that it is not. The Cosby Show had its day. I will always respect the great work that Bill Cosby and the talented cast did, and will still watch episodes when I am afforded the opportunity.

But give black-ish a chance. I think that you will enjoy it!


Until next time.....

Gay Marriage Doesn't Need a Defense But Your Self-Righteousness and Hypocrisy Do

The human attention span is short. Every few years, there becomes a "pressing" issue, which demands our total attention. We talk about it at length, and thanks to social media, and anyone with a smartphone and internet access, people don't mind sharing their views with you.

Over the last several years, gay marriage has become a hot topic. Christians, gays, heterosexuals, anyone with a voice tries to give his or her input on this subject, to the point that you either don't care or just wish they would find something else to talk about.

On Friday, an Asheville judge refused to uphold Amendment One, thus paving the way for gay unions to be recognized in North Carolina.

People took to social media in droves either to express their jubilation or their disgust, and I must say it was quite hilarious.

Let me just say that at thirty-eight, I am still single, and will probably be so, because the idea of giving half of my stuff to someone, when I have worked so hard to get it, just does not appeal to me. I can get the benefits of marriage without all the bullshit (Take that however you want, judge all you want, your opinions means nada to me).

But I recognize that others have a fascination and/or strong desire to be tied to someone, so I say go for it, whatever your sexuality. Love is love.

It is self-righteous and hypocritical to preach the Bible to someone, unless you have made a lifetime of living by the book.

Do you need me to clarify?

What gives you the right to ridicule, place someone else's life under a microscope or judge, just because you took one fateful trip to the altar during one Sunday service, or weeknight revival, because the preacher "guilt tripped" you into confessing your sins. You know the same preacher who was probably sleeping with some members of your congregation or molesting some of the children, but let's not get sidetracked.

I have known men who have had two women pregnant at the same time, married to neither, but that's okay because they are heterosexual right?

I attended high school with young ladies (I use that term loosely) who had accumulated more sex partners before age 18 and graduating from high school, than I have had in my entire thirty-eight years, but that's okay because they are heterosexual right?

I have seen women knowingly have affairs with other women's husbands, and not only have said affairs, given birth to these men's children, but that's okay because they are heterosexual right?

I have seen married men not only sleep with other women, but sleep with their wives' best friends, family members, but that's okay because they are heterosexual right?

While we are talking about heterosexuality, the Bible and Christianity, let me give you a story. The Pharisees hated Jesus. They were always were looking for ways to catch him in a lie, or try to "trip" him up for not following the law.

One day they brought him a woman caught in adultery. The law was that the two individuals caught were to be publicly stoned. The Pharisees, per their MO, pressed Jesus, while he just stooped on the ground and wrote. Jesus finally stopped and said, and I quote, "He that is among you without sin, let him cast, the first stone." He continued to write on the ground. When he looked up again, only he and the woman remained. He asked her, "Woman where are thine accusers?"...she responded, "Lord, I have none." Jesus responded, "Go ye in peace, and sin no more."

I wrote the above story from my limited Bible knowledge without research, so I may have missed some parts, but you get the point.

See what I just did there? I am making a point about not judging, and I found a scripture and/or story to serve my purpose.

Christians do it all the time, but while you are doing it, make sure that you read the entire book, because I am sure you will find a treasure trove of scriptures that fit both your sins and your shortcomings.

But what it all amounts to in the gay marriage debate, is as humans, we feel it is our duty to be morally superior to others.

As long as I tell little white lies (don't know where that term originated from), I am just a little better than the man who commits adultery. And since, he is committing adultery with a woman, even though he is wrong, because he is having heterosexual sex, he is a little better than the man who chooses to share his bed with another man. It is all a vicious snowballing cycle of blame, judgment, and finger pointing, and it is actually quite childish..

 I am just glad that the "real Jesus" who I have come to personally know, not that fabricated one that you claim to know, doesn't operate like this.

I have one final thought to leave you with tonight...how many of you were virgins when you got married? If you weren't I don't think you have a leg to stand on, when it comes to what goes on in other people's bedrooms. Because although one fateful trip to the altar may have absolved you of your "sins", it didn't mend those broken hearts that you collected along the way, didn't repair those marriages that you broke up, families that you destroyed. So while God forgave you, there are earthly humans still paying the price for your sins...think about that the next time you wag your tongue about someone's bedroom affairs.


Until next time......

Gone Girl is Not Misogyny; It is Simply a Wonderful Book and Film

I love to think deeply, which is why I majored in English in college. I can discuss anything from Shakespeare, Chaucer, Blake, Hawthorne, the Bible, and I am quite entertained.

Then there are those contemporary works, which aren't really that thought provoking, which are very entertainment purposes, and Gone Girl fits in this category.

I actually went to see the film before I read the book, and my opinion about it hasn't changed. I love it, and I am actually currently reading the author two works by the author.

So imagine my shock and surprise when I see an article on the internet labeling the author a misogynist. Don't you at least have to be a man to be a misogynist? Don't you at least have to hate women?

Without giving too much of the plot away, the female protagonist is a sociopath. She is motivated by her husband's affair with a much younger woman, to turn his life upside down.

Let's be real for a moment here. There are some mean, bitter women out there. There are some women who are vindictive, sociopaths even.

This does not take away from the fact that women are domestically abused every day, nor does it take away from the rape culture, as both are prevailing problems in our society.

What I love about this author, this book, this film, is that it is outside of the box. The female protagonist, is not some weak victim, waiting for some man to save her. She takes action to get what she wants. Now her methods are sociopathic and vindictive, but she does what she wants, on her own terms.

So feminists, I need you to pipe down on this one. Gillian Flynn is one of you. She is simply a nice wife, mother, who has a great imagination, and for that she should be applauded, not ridiculed.

After all, isn't the central tenet of feminism about uplifting and supporting each other as women?

Until next time....

Classicism is Worse Than Racism or Sexism

I was sitting in Chik-Fil-A on yesterday enjoying my cookies and cream milkshake. It was terribly slow, then again, it was the middle of the day.

Even one of the workers commented on how slow it was to her fellow co-workers, although her commentary kind of rubbed me the wrong way. She said the following, and I am paraphrasing here: "It is awfully slow in here today. I guess the welfare mothers didn't get their checks yet."

Have you ever heard something, but wished that you hadn't, or hoped that the person repeated it, thinking maybe you misinterpreted what the individual said? Nope, I heard her correctly.

Here is a woman who is probably barely making above minimum wage herself, snubbing her nose at what she considers a welfare mom.

It got me to thinking about the state of our world. Bruce Levenson and Donald Sterling have enough money to get away from black people, who they feel better than. White people without their level of money, like George Zimmerman and Darren Wilson just murder our boys in cold blood, when they don't have the money or means to get away from us.

Black intellectuals and the middle class snub their nose at the blacks who they consider to be better than them, by calling them ghetto and ratchet, criticizing every thing they do, which they feel shames the race, rather than mentoring and giving back.

Even when I lived in Florida, where there is a huge Hispanic population. Puerto Ricans really took offense if you called them "Mexicans"...not because there was such a deep pride in their culture, but because they felt Mexicans were beneath them.

At the root of all this hatred, is classicism. We have to do better! We have to teach our children, our young people, that just because you have achieved, just because you may have moved beyond past circumstances, just because you have amassed a certain amount of materialistic possessions, does not make you better than your fellow man.

Ever heard of the phrase, "here today, gone tomorrow."? This is the case for many and their materialistic possessions. Many of us are only a paycheck or a catastrophic illness away from poverty.

Let's do better, be better. Because we are all our brother's keeper!

Until next time....

Ray Rice and Battered Women's Syndrome

I am not going to even begin by stating how I am appalled at the reactions over Ray Rice's indefinite ban from football, and I say indefinite because that is the wording the NFL gave us, which is code for let us, let this blow over, and let people forget, and well...you get the rest!

But before any of you begin asking why his wife still married him, after he beat her, while they were just engaged. Before you go talking about her self-esteem, and how she is a gold digger who was looking out for money. Before you start spouting how beautiful she is, and she can have any man that she wants. I have two words for you: Tina Turner! I have two more words for you: Halle Berry!

See where I am going with this?

The late Ike Turner started beating Tina while they were dating. Actually, he was still living with his wife Lorraine, raising children, and Tina was the sidechick ( I hate that term, but I digress). But guess what? He left Lorraine, had children with Tina, married her and beat her mercilessly, almost daily for 16 years. Tina is smart, Ike didn't have enough money for her to be a gold digger, and she was beautiful, but she stayed....why? Battered Women's Syndrome. It is a real condition. It is not made up. It is real!

How many of you have salivated at how beautiful Halle Berry is? How she can have any man that she wants, because of her beauty and her great body? Guess what? She has lost 50% of her hearing in one of her ears, because an ex-boyfriend beat her until she lost it.

Let's stop with the ignorant conversations about domestic violence. The only one to blame in this situation is Ray Rice! His hands inflicted the injuries, his lack of concern and respect for his fiancee, now wife, allowed him to reach those levels of abuse and mayhem.

And if you believe the NFL didn't know, I have a bridge in New Jersey to sell you. Hopefully, one Christ Christie won't block! They knew. They are ducking and covering now that we know, and they did nothing about it. Watch the fallout in the weeks to come. Heads will roll, and people will be apolo-lying right and left (Apolo-lying is when you apologize not for what you did, but because you got caught).

But don't get caught up in the victim blaming and shaming. Don't get caught up in your celebrity/hero worship or because you are such an avid football fan.

Get caught up and get interested, because today it is Ray Rice's wife. Tomorrow it could be your daughter, your sister, your mother, your aunt.

Until next time.....

Jennifer Lawrence and Why Stealing Pics is Part of Rape Culture Thinking

I was amazed to be on social media over the weekend and to see reports of nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence circulating over the internet.

What was most amazing to me, is that people were laughing, celebrating, and actually cheering that this happened. (These are probably the same mofos who watched the R. Kelly sextape with a minor, to see if it was actually him or not).

Nobody is concerned that Jennifer, despite her celebrity status, is someone's daughter, someone's sister. These same mofos gawking, trying to get their hands on her photos, would be the same guys will to catch a charge if it were their mothers, daughters, or sisters, so why do this to someone else?

And there are those who say she shouldn't have taken them in the first place. Are you serious? HER body, HER pictures, HER phone, and HER  right to privacy. What part of that do you not get?These are the same people who will call a woman a bitch in a heartbeat, or won't hesitate to cheat on their wives, or girlfriends, or he won't hesitate to rape, although it's only rape if she actually remembers, right CeeLo Green?

We are a society that likes to blame the victim. Surely, your past and present behaviors are justification for me not being able to control myself and be a decent human being. Wait what?

Just like blacks and other minorities, women even in 2014, are still seen as property, which is why they can't take photos of themselves on their personal phones, and expect privacy. Which is why they can't sleep with any man they want and not be called a foul name. Which is why they can't even consent to sex.

I live by a creed. Give women the same type of respect that I would want someone to give my mother, my sister. Why is that so hard? Because Karma is real, and today is Jennifer Lawrence, but one day it could your daughter, your sister, your mother. Think about it!


Until next time....